Monday, June 29, 2009

Google Ads

I have been getting a lot of joy out of watching the automated Google adwords that appear on each of my posts.

When they are not playing foosball, or lounging in bean bags at the Googleplex rec-centre, hordes of gangly dweebs spend countless man-hours honing sophisticated algorithms that match ads to specific content.

Advertisers then automatically bid for placement on pages - the more popular the content the higher the quality of advertiser and the price per click goes up accordingly.

Subsequently, a well written and highly viewed photography post might attract ads by Nikon, Canon etc, and a well researched and popular parenting article may find Huggies trying to outbid Treasures for top billing.

Going by the calibre of advertising appearing on TPA posts it is clear that my posts are adjudged to be neither well written nor popular by the ad-bots - and to be quite honest I think it's hilarious!

If one could view the behind the scenes ad-auctions that determine the advertising on my posts I think it would look a lot like the Mos Eisley* bar scene in star-wars - where every cretin, degenerate and shameless grifter in cyberspace is jostling to peddle his crap on my blog. It varies from computer to computer but the results are generally as entertaining as anything I could write.

Just another busy day at The Autocrat's Adword Auction?

For example, Saturday's toast-post has resulted in ads for 'autism remedies for toddlers', 'feeding programs for angry children', 'herbal haemaroid creams', 'nail biting treatments' and of course - 'BNZ investments' - go figure!

Photography posts seem to unleash a tidal wave of 'become a professional photographer in 3 days' and 'free stock photos' ads, while anything that is 'un-labeled' or lacking in a central theme (most of my posts) just gets plastered with 'free sexy girls', 'sexy girls for free', 'free sex in [your town] with sexy girls' and that old chestnut - 'Bangkok ladyboy holiday'

I enjoy dredging up the crustiest dregs of the online advertising world so much that I have decided to try and 'game' the system and plant decoy labels on future posts to see what comes up.

We'll start with this one by reverting to the 80's and bagging on our poor old cold war nemesisesess (how the hell do you pluralise nemesis?) - as that just never seems to grows old for me!

Let's blog about my recent fictional holiday behind the iron curtain - I'd love to hear what ads turn up on your machines - please share it on the COMMENTS panel though :)


labels: donkey, vacation, Bratislava, Ukrainian tractor tosser, rent a trabant, Stalin, commie bastards, Turkmenistan, missile crisis, cabbage soup, fish heads, gulag tourism, AK -47, legal partner in Moscow

* No I'm not a star wars freak - had to google that one.

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